If you have been reading my blog, you know that I have been mustering up every part of me to stay positive through this whole experience … utilizing yoga, my iPod, running, books, writing down what I am thankful for, etc…. but some days …. Wow, this is tough. I haven’t had a day off in about two months (and no one seems to think that’s too out of the ordinary). My friend asked me what was wrong last night and I said, “Oh, do you want to meet the Traci that hasn’t had a day off in two months?… hi nice to meet you, I suck.” It’s funny, but unfortunately it’s true.
Some days I think “Encinitas to New Delhi?, what a dumb ass I am”. Lol. Again, funny but true. Every single day of my life is an adventure, a literal adventure, but also a journey to see how much I can handle as a human being without going literally crazy. You see EVERYTHING happens at the last-minute, and I mean the LAST minute. I have tried a million ways to fight this inherent quality of the system here, but not matter what I try …starting preparations a month in advance or day in advance.. the result is the same. And when I say last-minute I mean, an event is starting at 8pm, the preparations are done by 7:59pm… and the day before any event includes over 50 phone calls and messages. – and me talking to myself throughout the day, “oh hi breaking point, um, now is not a good time” ….“Breathe, Traci Breathe”… that’s my new thing … to remain as calm as possible, breathe and try to not take things too seriously – ha, almost an impossibility for us Americans…my other American friend is trying this as well. We started this on Thanksgiving and both failed already on Friday, but we are still moving forward with this, as today is a new day!
My initial year is almost up and I haven’t even had any down time to reflect on what I have learned, who I am now, and how I have changed. I am anxious to meet that person once this chaos ends. Everyone keeps asking me if I am staying in India or going back to the U.S. this upcoming year. Not only have I not been able to reflect on this year, I haven’t had any time to invision what’s next for me. (India, U.S. or somewhere else). Of course, people don’t forget to remind me that if I want to have kids someday I may want to start seriously thinking about that. Thanks for the reminders people; I almost forgot. I have given a lot of thought to adopting a child from here, in fact I thought about that before I came to India. There are an overwhelming number of children here that sometimes it’s crazy to think about having my own child when everyday on my way to work there are babies living in the street with practically no clothes on that I am tempted to take home with me on a daily basis.
When I see my pictures of my friends back in the U.S. with their beautiful families (and now multiple kids) it looks beautiful to me, but it’s never been something that I saw myself doing in the traditional sense. I definitely want a man to spend my life with (at some point; and I am going to be really adamant about this man thing next time. No one under 30. lol.) … but marriage is optional …and definitely some children, but how that happens, we’ll see. Either way, I am not worried (and I not am freezing my eggs anytime soon). Lol. How funny that before I left for India, multiple people suggested that …. visa, shots, freeze your eggs. Lol. – Like I was going to another planet for a couple of years. What do they say to guys when they leave for India? Nothing.
Just as I let the India thing manifest and happen, I am sure that whatever’s next will be amazing, just as most decisions that I let happen are. It’s the one’s that I force that seem to lead to questionable times in my life. I am going to enjoy everyday, be thankful for India, be thankful the people here and at home that make me happy and provide great support and love… breathe and continue to just go with the flow. – oh, and I am taking a day off!